half friends only/half public.
comment to be added.

i remember when i wrote on my livejournal religiously. or when i made "picture posts" every week. now blogging has become so cliche to many.

it's rained more today than it has in the last three months, or so says the weatherman. i spent the day inside trying toja. wish away my flu, but i at least earned the company of chris, three dogs, and my beautiful cat.

tomorrow i'm putting in my transfer application. i'm trying not to get my hopes up too high, but i can't help but believe i'll be a berkeley student in nine months. my mom has been making me feel like if i leave, i'll be abandoning the family. perhaps i am. but i refuse to stay in san diego and stay comfortable, when i know that if i keep working hard, i can leave my mark. my dreams haven't changed since i was sixteen years old.

i can't help but wonder if when i look back on this livejournal, or any of my many previous livejournals, or xangas, or blurty's, if they will make me happy or sad. i would be lying if i said i didn't miss "picture posts" or being able to write absurdly emotional posts and get lovely and caring comments in return.

one of the ways i think people change when they get older is they become less outwardly caring. when did it become uncool to tell someone how much you love and appreciate them?

i've recently met a friend from school. he is a swell human being and i am truly glad that i met him. he was a theater kid, and i felt like that gave me a reason to feel open with him: shortly after meeting him, i let him know just how wonderful and hilarious he is and how terribly glad i am that we've become friends. his first reaction was not instant happiness, but instead to be shocked! while quickly after he profusely thanked me for being so kind, he said he had never have someone be so upfront and openly complimentary towards him before.

well now, that just made me so sad i could have shed tears. it is a shame that people feel they need to conceal their fondness towards another human being. maybe i'm the strange one, but even the most simple of compliments can literally make my day, and i've grown to believe that compliments, even the short, sweet ones are some of the things you remember the most. they're a way to show people that you care, and that they're cared for and it's makes my chest heavy to believe that others feel that caring is unimportant. i surely hope that the people around me know how much i care, and how cared for they are. i've always felt that if i received one of those late night, tear filled phone calls that no matter who it was, even if it was a complete stranger, that i'd have to sit and do my very best to cheer them up; it should be our duty as fellow souls on the same planet to love one another with a deep and undying love and consideration.





anyways, i suppose this is a strange thing to post after not having spoken a word in this blog for almost a year. but, it's never good to let a thought go unspoken in your mind for too long.

i've started at least twenty entries these last two weeks and i end up getting frustrated after the first paragraph every time.


oy vey.

Land of the Free...ish


( my thoughts...and quite a few of them. )